Here I am Lord, ...Send Someone Else

God called to him . . . . And he said, ’Here I am’ —Exodus 3:4

Here is a quote from today's devotional:
We are so busy telling God where we would like to go. 

Yeah? Ain't that the truth?

Readiness for God means that we are prepared to do the smallest thing or the largest thing— it makes no difference. It means we have no choice in what we want to do, but that whatever God’s plans may be, we are there and ready. 

The truth of the matter is that I don't want to do anything that is too hard. I'm a bit of a wimp that way. I've really been struggling with some stuff and I don't know how to handle it.  I don't know how things are going to turn out. I'm not sure of anything. I've got a list of things I want and I often will dictate that list to God in the form of a prayer. Isn't that rather arrogant?

God has a lot of work to do with me. 

All or Nothing

When Simon Peter heard that it was the Lord, he put on his outer garment . . . and plunged into the sea —John 21:7

Although I posted earlier, I decided to check out today's devotion in My Utmost. Of course I found it to be very relevant to what I'm going through and my earlier post. I just need to plunge on. Wrap that outer garment about me and plunge in after the Lord.

It all or nothing.

It is a crisis of the will. You may come to that point many times externally, but it will amount to nothing. The true deep crisis of abandonment, or total surrender, is reached internally, not externally.

Removing My High Places

The high places were not removed from Israel. Nevertheless the heart of Asa was loyal all his days —2 Chronicles 15:17


As you cannot take a day off morally and remain moral, neither can you take a day off spiritually and remain spiritual. God wants you to be entirely His, and it requires paying close attention to keep yourself fit. It also takes a tremendous amount of time. Yet some of us expect to rise above all of our problems, going from one mountaintop experience to another, with only a few minutes’ effort.

So what are the "high places" in my life? 

• wasting time on FB. 
• Reading novels.
• Doing nothing.
• Wanting more materially.
• Not praying.
• Skipping quiet times.
• Being selfish with "my" time.

I also don't spend enough time with the Lord. It seems like the older I get, the more I recognize how unspiritual I am. So...it sounds like Asa was a follower of the Lord, and yet he held some things back from God. I call myself a Christian and yet I don't put much effort in it. I have a list a mile long of personal convictions. Being honest about it is hard. I've recently stopped telling people that I will regularly pray for them. I know it is a lie. I will pray once or twice about it. That's the truth.

I don't know why God even puts up with me. I think about my parents and what amazing people they were spiritually. They loved and served the Lord with all of their hearts. They touched hundreds of people throughout their lives here. I think they would be disappointed in me.

I'm not going to pretend on this devotional blog that I'm a spiritual person.

Casting my cares on Him

Cast all of your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken.  Psalm 55:22.

I don't know why it has taken me 33 years of practice and I'm still not really mastering this one. I accepted Christ when I was 14 years old. (Go ahead, do the math) You would think that I would be getting this one by now, but instead I lay in bed worrying about things.  Here are my list of worries last night.

• My son will be living in Boston for a year starting at the end of August. He's going to volunteer for an organization called "City Year." My worries are: where will he live? How will he be able to pay for things? What if he lives in a bad part of the city and gets mugged? Where will he go to college after that?
• My oldest daughter seems to be in no hurry to look at colleges. She's a junior. Where will she go? How will we afford it? What will she do?  Lately we've been butting heads. She doesn't seem to like me very much. Will we ever happily get along?  She seems very ungrateful and disrespectful sometimes.
• My youngest daughter seems so solemn sometimes. She is also following in her sister's footsteps in her attitude toward me. Will these two girls grow up to be respectful helpful citizens? I've made many mistakes raising them, is it too late to fix things?
• Will I have a job next year?

I feel like sometimes that my burdens are heavy...I know that they could be worse. Anyway, I forget to roll them back onto The Lord. I have to hand my kids over to Him. I need his guidance knowing how to raise them best and handing them back to him at the same time. How do I decipher what is my responsibility and what needs to be let go?