surrender

He said, "Come."  So Peter got out of the boat and walked in the water and came to Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, "Lord, save me." Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him saying, "O you of little faith, why did you doubt?"       Matthew 14:29-31

If you debate for even one second when God has spoken, it is all over for you. Never start to say, “Well, I wonder if He really did speak to me?” Be reckless immediately— totally unrestrained and willing to risk everything— by casting your all upon Him. You do not know when His voice will come to you, but whenever the realization of God comes, even in the faintest way imaginable, be determined to recklessly abandon yourself, surrendering everything to Him. It is only through abandonment of yourself and your circumstances that you will recognize Him. You will only recognize His voice more clearly through recklessness— being willing to risk your all.

The words above are copied directly from Chambers devotional today. I admit that I have debated with God in the past. I have said, "Was that really God speaking?" Pivotal moments in my life when I could have stayed in God's will...but instead I chose not to believe.

Right now...I admit, that I'm not hearing anything other than the word, surrender. I have had 30 interviews in the past 4 years for various library jobs. I am so frustrated that I cannot even describe it. I keep hearing the Lord say, "Surrender."

What does it mean? Does it mean stop trying? What?

I just see the waves and the winds and it all looks so impossible. I have given myself so many pep talks in the past...I don't know if I have a pep talk left.

I want to feel his hand reaching out to me and lifting me up above the waves.