There was a point where I finally came to the end of myself and said, "I cannot do anything to make myself Holy...I need Jesus to make me Holy." It is the truth. On my own...I am selfish...and I complain....and I cannot love my brother and sister the way a Christian should. I get tired and cross. I start wallowing in the negatives...and then self pity comes along and OUCH! I can only wash my outside with water, but He cleanses me on the inside with fire. Sometimes I can only paste on a smile and pretend to be Holy...but He can change my heart.
Here is what Chambers has to say about it:
Repentance does not cause a sense of sin— it causes a sense of inexpressible unworthiness. When I repent, I realize that I am absolutely helpless, and I know that through and through I am not worthy even to carry His sandals. Have I repented like that, or do I have a lingering thought of possibly trying to defend my actions? The reason God cannot come into my life is that I am not at the point of complete repentance.
Sometimes I've tried to convince myself that I'm doing all right spiritually. I'm a nice person, I believe in Jesus, I go to church, I attend Bible study on Thursday nights, I send my children to Christian camps, I even currently work at a Christian camp and I also keep a devotional blog...but it is all me doing the work and sooner or later I realize that I'm at the end of myself. That is when I know that Jesus needs to do some real work in my soul. My salvation (which is marked for me by a decision at age 15) is not just an experience I had once...but an on going work.
Chambers is so good at nailing it home that I will just end with his words:
“He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and fire.” John is not speaking here of the baptism of the Holy Spirit as an experience, but as a work performed by Jesus Christ. “He will baptize you . . . .” The only experience that those who are baptized with the Holy Spirit are ever conscious of is the experience of sensing their absolute unworthiness.
“I indeed” was this in the past, “but He” came and something miraculous happened. Get to the end of yourself where you can do nothing, but where He does everything.
Image source: Fuoco by Giovanni Dall'Orto. Wikimedia Commons
Water on the outside, fire on the inside... Yeah.
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